Boundaries

In 2025, with many goals ahead—fitness, career growth, self-improvement—let’s start off by setting BOUNDARIES.

“I cannot say this enough. . .”

Consider this the base for a simpler life.

“You see. . .”

. . .boundaries are the physical, emotional, and mental limits that we set to protect our well-being and personal integrity. They are essential aspects of our lives that we often neglect until the behaviors of others compel us to take action and implement necessary ground rules. These rules serve as important guidelines that help us navigate our relationships and ensure that our personal needs are acknowledged and respected.

Notice how I said behaviors instead of actions, because behaviors are learned traits that show our identity. Sometimes, the person causing harm isn't the only issue; we, the ones hurt, need to take responsibility for letting them affect us, often due to their own lack of awareness of our feelings.

The Absence of Vocalizing

The Absence of Vocalizing

How does it affect you? Two words, BURNOUT & RESENTMENT, which are the two main conclusive results of an unbalanced life.

Compromising too much can cause mental burnout. If you agree to things that make you uncomfortable, you'll end up unhappy, which can create resentment. This can damage your relationship because you didn't set boundaries. Do you think the other person will compromise because you didn't? Once you become too easy to push over, it's difficult to change that without seeming unreasonable.

Now that we acknowledge the severity of it all, let’s talk about setting them into place.

“Oh, I get it. They paintin' me out to be the bad guy” —-Nicki Minaj

How to set up boundaries & navigate in different settings

Congruent with being inconsiderate to your feelings, people will undoubtedly waste your precious time in various ways that can be very frustrating and disheartening. It’s quite challenging to navigate these situations, especially when you value your time and energy.

“It’s like your mind says one thing but, your heart says another.”

Unaware or not, people will act within the limits you set. This principle applies across various types of relationships, whether it’s family members, close friends, employers, co-workers, or even random strangers. Regardless of who they are, you have the right to dictate how others treat you.

JUST SAY NO!

Utilize the POWER of saying NO!

. . .and prioritize self preservation. Let’s start with one of the hardest words to say in the world, NO. Saying no is tricky because we worry it might hurt the other person's feelings. The simple emotion, empathy, has a lot of us in a choke hold due to the guilty feeling of causing unintentional discomfort to someone else. However, a little discomfort for them is ultimately a more favorable outcome than enduring a lifetime filled with your own personal misery and unhappiness.

*FAMILIAL BOUNDARIES

Dealing with family on the other hand can be touchy, especially if you’re raised in a cultural household; they tend to steer towards very ancient practices based on age and cultural traditions. The traditions are to always be upheld whether the situation makes sense or not.

“As an African born and raised, I approve this message” —- Adwoa Boamah

So how do you set boundaries a when living with family: especially culture driven, traditional family dynamics? To them, the culture is standard and the traditions are law and NO ONE can tell them otherwise, resulting in their entitlement to you and your time. If talking and compromising doesn’t help, consider leaving that toxic environment by attending school, work, or other activities until you can afford to move out. They are likely stuck in their old ways forever. In actuality, that’s how you set that boundary, by leaving.

In addition, there has been a recent and notable trend that a large percentage of Millennials and Gen-Z children are increasingly choosing to practice no contact with their parents after they move out of the family home. This was mainly due to their boundaries not being heard or respected for the duration of their childhood. In that sense, if constant communication doesn’t work maybe it’s time to distance yourself temporarily or permantly.

FRIENDSHIPS & SIGNIFICANT OTHERS

This is where communication is the most significant. In friendships and partnerships, there are boundaries that should not be crossed. These boundaries show respect, and if someone values you, they will honor them.

What’s that term going around? ‘Low Maintenance Friendships’? More and more people prefer this because as we age and take on more responsibilities, most adults simply don't have time to spend with friends every day. It sets a more realistic view point on more matured friendships however, every relationship has their own way of functioning so, it’s whatever floats your boat.

BOUNDARIES FOR YOURSELF

Setting realistic boundaries for you is just another way of asserting discipline over your life. You can read more of that my previous post on “STAYING FOCUSED”. If there are qualities or habits you want to change, setting boundaries is a wonderful way to hold self accountability.

SETTINGS BOUNDARIES AT WORK

There are two key points for ground rules at work.

• 1. Know your worth and negotiate but, sacrifice for your goals: understand what you will put up with because you have the bigger picture in mind and or someone to sacrifice for (ex: children/family)

• 2. Take this as a defense mechanism but, boundaries towards yourself at work. Be mindful on who you speak to and what information you divulge to certain people. Failure of doing so could potentially land you into trouble.

SO WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED?

“It’s not something you can easily execute one faithful day, you have to be ‘sick and tired’ of being ‘sick and tired”. —-Adwoa Boamah

Boundaries are more for us more so than others: they keep us balanced and prevent the notion of overflowing someone else’s cup before our own and this comes with experience. You’ve had to experience the stress of not implementing them to be able to comfortably enforce them.

And that’s the gist of life: it requires some level discomfort for growth. Challenges foster personal growth and development. Embracing these uncomfortable moments can lead to significant learning experiences that shape us into stronger individuals.